Choosing Your Battles Wisely

Question: Every day I find there is something that annoys me—a truck parked in front of a ramp, someone without a handicapped sticker parked in the handicapped spot, a store counter that is too high, someone remarking on how well I drive my scooter. How do I decide which to respond to, and how to respond?

Response from Rhoda Olkin, PhD: This is a great question as it is one that faces everyone with a disability. The experiences you are describing are called ‘microaggressions.’ These are everyday insults, put-downs, slights, due to your disability status. The intent of the speaker (“I was only joking.”) is not what is important in a microaggression, but the impact on the recipient. For example, sometimes when I back into an elevator in my wheelchair someone will say to me “you drive that thing really well.” Why should this bother me? First, because each person believes they are the first to remark on this amazing skill of mine, when in fact I hear it a lot. Second, it means they are primarily noticing me as a wheelchair user, not a person. And third, of course, I drive the wheelchair well—I’ve had lots of daily practice. I don’t comment on how well people use their legs!

But what about the store counter that is too high? How can I be upset about that, it’s nobody’s fault. Well, of course it is. Think of how many people were involved in the design of a store, who signed off on the plan, and the number of employees who see the height of the counter and don’t think about its accessibility. The counter represents the failure of many professionals to recognize that people with disabilities will need to be served at a counter that is too high.

These are things you notice, that upset you, that you encounter very frequently. The sheer number can get you down. Plus, each time you have to decide if and how you are going to respond. That uses emotional energy. So what’s a person to do? Here are a few guidelines I’ve developed. List priorities.

For example, Itzhak Perlman, the renowned violinist who had polio and walks with crutches, has made accessibility at concert halls his priority. What would be your priority?

Have responses ready. When someone says to me “you drive that really well,” I say “yes I do,” and let it go. It is not worth the energy. But when someone says “you’re going to get a speeding ticket in that thing!” I am more irritated, so I say “and you’ll get one when you run.” Maybe this will make them think about it a bit.

Target the right person. There is absolutely no point in yelling at the 19-year-old part-time worker behind that too-high counter. He has no power. If you are going to take action, call for the manager or write to the headquarters of the company.

Choose battles wisely. There are many battles out there. Try to choose those that fit your priorities, and, importantly, those you can win.

Post-Polio Health (Vol. 33, No. 2, Spring 2017)